Saturday, March 7, 2009

I would walk 500 miles

I find it funny how strong and angry women's loyalties are to their friends. You never see a guy take his best friend's girlfriend aside and say "I swear to God, if you hurt him, I'll cut you." But if I girl tells her best friend's new boyfriend, "You make her cry and I'll cut off your balls and make you eat them," no one bats an eye. At least, I've said those things. And no ones ever said anything close like that to me before.

Right now... one of the people that I get very protective of is very far away. I know I've talked about Colleen before, but it's just hard. I lived with the girl for four years of my life, and she's been my best friend for seven years... and now there's an ocean between us and it upsets me that if there's some douche that hurts her, I can't threaten his life. It also bothers me that I see this cryptic status updates on facebook about how miserable life is, and I can only imagine who it's about.

I've mentioned The Irish Wonder Boy before, but this guy seriously did a number on this girl. Is it a guy thing to be emotionally unavailable, or is this an Irish thing to be emotionally unavailable? Now this toolbox is parading this other girl around (this girl who butchered one of my favorite songs on RTE, which kind of makes me happy), but he still calls Colleen all the time and basically tortures the girl. I know that she's a big girl and she can take care of herself, but I really want to punch this "perfect" guy in the face.

I hate that I invited him into my home and fed him one of the best meals I've ever made. I hate that I introduced him to Gene and that Gene LIKES the guy, because he's a fucking charmer. And I really hate that I don't want to hate him! I really wanted him to be as nice as he seemed to be. This girl deserves the world... and what's funny is that usually she's the typical male in the relationship. Guys fawn over her, she thinks "what's this guy's problem" and runs for the hills. The ONE TIME she doesn't run... she's still convinced that she's going to marry him... and I know that if he called her tomorrow and said "I'm sorry... I really do love you, please marry me," she'd say yes. Then I'd have to swim to Ireland, bash her on the head, and drag her home for her own good.

But I can't say anything. Because she needs to get her heart broken, as hard as that can be... watching your best friend get her heart broken and knowing that it's the best thing for her. She's never really invested herself in a relationship. She's dated two definite gay men and two with the jury still out, and multiple guys with crazy obsessions, but none of them have been real relationships. Not really. She needs a real relationship with real heartache and real fights. It's so easy to try to put the people you love in this bubble to protect them, and I think the hardest thing to admit is that maybe that bubble is the worst thing that you could do.


*Di said...

Unfortunately, you can't make those decisions for someone. I've been on both sides of that - as the friend who knows better, and tries to say something but can't... and as the friend who is head over heels for someone who is so far beneath her it's amazing she can even see him. It's not easy for anyone... the important things: 1.) Be honest, but not judgemental. 2.) Just be there. When she does come to her senses, it's probably going to hurt. Bad.

She's lucky to have a friend that cares for her as much as you do.

Al said...

I went away for a second and there are so many posts! It's like candy! Anyways, Di is right, you definitely can't make these decisions and your friend is so lucky that someone like you has her back. I have a friend like this too; she is one of the best people I know, but she gets into these sh*t relationships and everytime is so wrapped up with the newness and loveliness of it all that she's temporarily blinded. Watching it happen is like watching a car about to crash - you know it's going to happen but you also know that there's not much you can do to stop it - you have to let it hit the wall and then be prepared to help out in any way you can with "disaster response" sigh. It sucks, but at least you are there for her!