I would walk 500 miles

I find it funny how strong and angry women's loyalties are to their friends. You never see a guy take his best friend's girlfriend aside and say "I swear to God, if you hurt him, I'll cut you." But if I girl tells her best friend's new boyfriend, "You make her cry and I'll cut off your balls and make you eat them," no one bats an eye. At least, I've said those things. And no ones ever said anything close like that to me before.

Right now... one of the people that I get very protective of is very far away. I know I've talked about Colleen before, but it's just hard. I lived with the girl for four years of my life, and she's been my best friend for seven years... and now there's an ocean between us and it upsets me that if there's some douche that hurts her, I can't threaten his life. It also bothers me that I see this cryptic status updates on facebook about how miserable life is, and I can only imagine who it's about.

I've mentioned The Irish Wonder Boy before, but this guy seriously did a number on this girl. Is it a guy thing to be emotionally unavailable, or is this an Irish thing to be emotionally unavailable? Now this toolbox is parading this other girl around (this girl who butchered one of my favorite songs on RTE, which kind of makes me happy), but he still calls Colleen all the time and basically tortures the girl. I know that she's a big girl and she can take care of herself, but I really want to punch this "perfect" guy in the face.

I hate that I invited him into my home and fed him one of the best meals I've ever made. I hate that I introduced him to Gene and that Gene LIKES the guy, because he's a fucking charmer. And I really hate that I don't want to hate him! I really wanted him to be as nice as he seemed to be. This girl deserves the world... and what's funny is that usually she's the typical male in the relationship. Guys fawn over her, she thinks "what's this guy's problem" and runs for the hills. The ONE TIME she doesn't run... she's still convinced that she's going to marry him... and I know that if he called her tomorrow and said "I'm sorry... I really do love you, please marry me," she'd say yes. Then I'd have to swim to Ireland, bash her on the head, and drag her home for her own good.

But I can't say anything. Because she needs to get her heart broken, as hard as that can be... watching your best friend get her heart broken and knowing that it's the best thing for her. She's never really invested herself in a relationship. She's dated two definite gay men and two with the jury still out, and multiple guys with crazy obsessions, but none of them have been real relationships. Not really. She needs a real relationship with real heartache and real fights. It's so easy to try to put the people you love in this bubble to protect them, and I think the hardest thing to admit is that maybe that bubble is the worst thing that you could do.

Erin Go Eff Yourself.

I get testy sometimes. Ok, a lot of times. Which you could probably tell from the fact that my favorite word in the universe is "cunt." So... I really don't like it with boys mess with my friends. At all. Especially girls who have been shit on in the past and really deserve better. My best friend had this whirlwind romance with this guy from Ireland. He seemed like a wonderful guy. He was very successful in his life, he was gorgeous, he was taller than her (which apparently is hard to do), he said all the right things, he was charming... his only fault was that he lived in another country. For a year, they were making it work. She would go there, he would come here... everything was fine. She applies to grad school in Ireland, and gets wait-listed for two years. All of a sudden, after months of "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you" it turns into "By the way, I don't want you to ever move to Ireland, and I'm never moving to the United States." and "I love you... but more like a sister or a friend." Oh yeah, and he was too much of a coward to call her and tell her... he wrote her an email, and sent her a text message that said "Hey, I sent you an email... let me know what you think." I THINK YOU'RE AN ASS, THAT'S WHAT I THINK! Jeez.

The worst part is...he wants to still be friends, and she said no fucking way, buddy. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to hear from you, I don't want any contact from you. We aren't friends. Not happening. So he keeps emailing and texting her, because apparently he thinks that's ok. He won't call her though, since she doesn't want to talk to him. But texting is ok. Why are men so stubborn and delusional!??? I really want to yell at him, but I'm not allowed to. And now... five days after the "I love you like a sister" she gets an email from the school telling her someone dropped the program, and she starts classes in two weeks. So she's now moving to Ireland...in twelve days from now. Luckily the Irish jackass lives on the opposite end of the country. She'll be on the southeast corner and he'll be on the northwest corner, so it isn't like she'll run into him. Unless he does it on purpose. Which honestly, I wouldn't put it past him.

Here's what I think happened: I think that he really does/did whatever love her... but once she wasn't moving there, he panicked and dumped her before HE got too attached. Nevermind the fact that she's been head over heels in love with the guy for like 8 months. And now he realized that he made a big mistake and is trying to make up for it. The funny thing is... in his breakup email (which is so impersonal) he told her that he's known for about 6 months that he wanted to break up with her...but thought that she deserved at least a year, so he told her EXACTLY A YEAR TO THE DAY when they met. So now she can remember August 16th as the day that she first met basically the first guy she's ever loved IN A CASTLE IN IRELAND, as well as the day that he destroyed her heart. What a winner he is. I hope he's lonely for the rest of his damn life.