This isn't the first, and it probably won't be the last, time that I've mentioned my dislike for some of my extended family. I have family members who can't remember Gene's name (and we've been together for six years...) and treat him as if they've never met him before. Probably because he doesn't make a lot of money. My godfather forgets about me every Christmas... but remembers all of my other cousins and spouses of cousins. I have one cousin that i used to be really close with. We barely speak now.
I don't know what I did to piss my family off so much. I mean, I do realize now that they aren't all sunshine and rainbows... and that they are horribly flawed. They aren't as close as they all pretend to be... and they aren't very nice people (for the most part. there are some members of my extended family that I love dearly).
Most of this dislike came bubbling out at a recent wedding... where my one cousin refused to give me a hug, refused to say hello to me or to Gene, and flat out ignored me the entire time. Her sister-in-law was absolutely lovely... and I adore her. At first I let it get to me... and I even started to tear up... because I want nothing more than to have that little bubble back where I think my family is wonderful and everyone is happy. And I want them to like me. I really don't like it when people don't like me, and I know I shouldn't care what people think, but that's how I work, ok? I don't know what I did to these people that they despise me.
We left the wedding early (and the fact that Gene was even there is a huge deal. He refuses to go to family functions because he doesn't like pretending to people) and apparently that's when all hell broke loose. I got a phone call earlier today from my father asking me if everything was all right with my sister. He said that she basically closed herself off after we left... and was very quiet, and he was worried about her. Because my gem of a perfect cousin (the one who wouldn't say hello to me?) said something to my sister... don't know what, my dad wouldn't tell me, and then proceeded to call my father an asshole. Which he said he provoked, but I don't know. I think what happened was she probably said something snide either about me or my sister... my dad defended us... and she called him an asshole.
Are other peoples families like this? Perfect on the outside but volatile when pushed? I would love nothing more than to rip these people a new one.. but they're my family and I feel like I'm supposed to just play nice... smile... and take it. I've already let them know why Gene doesn't come around. They didn't like my answer. Maybe that's why they all hate me.
Showing posts with label dilemma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dilemma. Show all posts
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The End of the Wedding Crazy. For now.
I'm been a little MIA lately... partly because of the wedding crazy and partly because work has been a bit of a nightmare. and the combination of the both makes me want to drink tequila out of the bottle.
The final wedding in the wedding crazy went surprisingly great! I KNEW that Gene was going to have to escort the girl my ex cheated on me with...and I was right. I also knew that my ex was going to be there with his girlfriend whom I adore. That was mostly fine. Only slightly awkward. The worst part of the whole night was the fake "Oh, how are you? You look great.. blah blah blah" that I got from the ex's friends who never liked me when we dated, which was fine because I didn't like them either.
The dress went well, I think. I did one BIG mistake though that no one noticed. I was clipping the seams on the inside of the dress so that it would lay nicer on the midriff, and I accidentally snipped a tiny little V into the skirt part of the dress. I had no idea what to do.. so I didn't do anything. I can't glue it together.... I'm still trying to figure out what to do... but I know that no one noticed (or at least Gene, and he notices everything--because he would have said "what did you do there?" and point it out, which is great because he's generally honest about my clothing)
The wedding actually looked pretty small. It was outdoors (hence my fluffy hair... it was straight. and then humidity happened. That picture was after the wedding back at the hotel. You can't even tell that I'm BLASTED!) and in my friend's backyard. Of one of their houses. I think they have three? That I know of? Her parents have a freakish amount of money. As in what they spent on photography for the night (3 photogs and 2 videographers) is about what a lot of people spend on the entire wedding. But they could save money on the venue. They instead spent it on food (yum), pictures, an ice sculpture of a monkey with a Shakespearean collar (for serious) and apparently booze. The open bar was the whole night... and they had good vodka. and they made my cosmos with cointreau instead of triple sec. Oh yeah.
But that brings me to my fear and aversion to having a wedding. I just think it's so STUPID to spend this much money on one day. Yes, I realize that it's a "once in a lifetime" thing... but my problem with weddings is that by the end of it, it's rarely about the bride and groom. It's about what everyone else wants. If I told my father that I wanted a barbeque with chicken, ribs, and potato chips, he'd want me to have lobster thermador and asparagus wrapped with prosciutto. I've said before that we want to go to Hawaii and come back married. And this plan has been adapted a few times. For a while, we decided that Vegas would be cool. This has apparently been revised yet again (at 2am last night, no less) to the Caribbean. As in St. Thomas or something similar. It would have to be one of the US islands... the flight would be much shorter, and therefore less expensive, and more people would probably be able to afford it if they so choose. And maybe we'll have some kind of family gathering before or after (super super informal. Cannot stress how informal. I mean like family reunion informal) to say "hey, we're getting married isn't that great."
I know that my mother supports me. She isn't the one I worry about. Daddy dearest has issues because he wants to put on this air that we're all rolling in money. But he isn't paying for my wedding, I am. And I work in radio. Unless you own a station, you make ZERO money in radio. And Gene's parents just want us to get married in a church, which we don't really give a shit about. We were bascially Baptized Catholic and that's it. I go to church on Christmas Eve, and even then it's iffy if I actually go.
The final wedding in the wedding crazy went surprisingly great! I KNEW that Gene was going to have to escort the girl my ex cheated on me with...and I was right. I also knew that my ex was going to be there with his girlfriend whom I adore. That was mostly fine. Only slightly awkward. The worst part of the whole night was the fake "Oh, how are you? You look great.. blah blah blah" that I got from the ex's friends who never liked me when we dated, which was fine because I didn't like them either.
The dress went well, I think. I did one BIG mistake though that no one noticed. I was clipping the seams on the inside of the dress so that it would lay nicer on the midriff, and I accidentally snipped a tiny little V into the skirt part of the dress. I had no idea what to do.. so I didn't do anything. I can't glue it together.... I'm still trying to figure out what to do... but I know that no one noticed (or at least Gene, and he notices everything--because he would have said "what did you do there?" and point it out, which is great because he's generally honest about my clothing)
The wedding actually looked pretty small. It was outdoors (hence my fluffy hair... it was straight. and then humidity happened. That picture was after the wedding back at the hotel. You can't even tell that I'm BLASTED!) and in my friend's backyard. Of one of their houses. I think they have three? That I know of? Her parents have a freakish amount of money. As in what they spent on photography for the night (3 photogs and 2 videographers) is about what a lot of people spend on the entire wedding. But they could save money on the venue. They instead spent it on food (yum), pictures, an ice sculpture of a monkey with a Shakespearean collar (for serious) and apparently booze. The open bar was the whole night... and they had good vodka. and they made my cosmos with cointreau instead of triple sec. Oh yeah.
But that brings me to my fear and aversion to having a wedding. I just think it's so STUPID to spend this much money on one day. Yes, I realize that it's a "once in a lifetime" thing... but my problem with weddings is that by the end of it, it's rarely about the bride and groom. It's about what everyone else wants. If I told my father that I wanted a barbeque with chicken, ribs, and potato chips, he'd want me to have lobster thermador and asparagus wrapped with prosciutto. I've said before that we want to go to Hawaii and come back married. And this plan has been adapted a few times. For a while, we decided that Vegas would be cool. This has apparently been revised yet again (at 2am last night, no less) to the Caribbean. As in St. Thomas or something similar. It would have to be one of the US islands... the flight would be much shorter, and therefore less expensive, and more people would probably be able to afford it if they so choose. And maybe we'll have some kind of family gathering before or after (super super informal. Cannot stress how informal. I mean like family reunion informal) to say "hey, we're getting married isn't that great."
I know that my mother supports me. She isn't the one I worry about. Daddy dearest has issues because he wants to put on this air that we're all rolling in money. But he isn't paying for my wedding, I am. And I work in radio. Unless you own a station, you make ZERO money in radio. And Gene's parents just want us to get married in a church, which we don't really give a shit about. We were bascially Baptized Catholic and that's it. I go to church on Christmas Eve, and even then it's iffy if I actually go.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
100th Post!
Nothing too exciting. I couldn't really come up with anything extravagant. Oh well. I do have a few exciting things, though!
A of all, I won the basketball pool at work... and won myself $200! All for saying "Hmm... eeny, meeny, miny. THAT ONE!" I did actually put SOME thought into it. I did look up SOME stats and did pay SOME attention to college basketball. Not much. I did go a lot on seeding. I didn't take "the chalk" the whole way through (I didn't know what that meant until like yesterday. I didn't pick all 1 seeds). And all those people who laughed at me because I took Villanova in the final four can suck it.
B of all, I've decided to start doing yoga on a regular basis. I am attempting to be healthier. At my work, we have this "life coach" who comes in a few times a month and gives us tips to lead healthy lives and all that stuff. Last month, she checked our back health. We had to do all these stretches and things to see if we were at an increased risk of back injury. We discovered that I have bad hips (which I knew... I almost had to have hip surgery when I was 15 because of my non-working soas muscle), and we discovered that I'm pear shaped, and we discovered that I'm in the 10th percentile of hamstring flexibility for my age group. Which means that 90% more people are more flexible than I. And I also have ZERO lumbar support. At ULTA on Sunday, my back was hurting so badly I could barely stand up. So I think it's time for yoga. When I was seeing a chiropractor, she told me that all of my back pain was because I had weak back muscles, not from my spine. She suggested a year ago that I start doing yoga.
I went to three stores before I found exercise dvds, let alone yoga ones. Jeezu. Who knew that Best Buy didn't believe in exercise? They USED to have a section. Not any longer! I was forced (against my better judgement) to go to Barnes and Noble. I hate that store. Even though they carry "Sock Innovation" by Cookie A and Borders doesn't.
And finally, C of all, I'm getting laser hair removal. I don't know how much I'll talk about it here... but I'll at least let y'all know. I'm meeting with the people today for my "consultation" and we're going to get started on my underarms. I'm excited and a bit scared at the same time. I know it is going to hurt a bit. I had a friend who had it done on her legs 5 years ago, loves it, and she said that it does hurt. I also have a friend at ULTA who used to work for a laser hair removal company (not the same one I'm going to) and she told me that I'm going to love it, that it'll work great on me since I have such dark hair, and she told me all the places I should have treated. If I never have to shave again.... I'm going to be so excited. I hate the act of shaving, and waxing hurts more than it should.
I had a bikini wax ONCE. I was going to get a brazillian wax. Then they started, and I chickened out. I liked the result of the wax. But NEVER AGAIN will I get a bikini wax. I wanted to cry. And before going to the waxing hell, I went to the bar and took ibuprofen. So I should have been just fine. At least afterwards, I did a facial. That was my reward for sitting through such horrid and unneccesary pain. I think if I can live through a bikini wax... than I can live through laser hair removal. I hope.
A of all, I won the basketball pool at work... and won myself $200! All for saying "Hmm... eeny, meeny, miny. THAT ONE!" I did actually put SOME thought into it. I did look up SOME stats and did pay SOME attention to college basketball. Not much. I did go a lot on seeding. I didn't take "the chalk" the whole way through (I didn't know what that meant until like yesterday. I didn't pick all 1 seeds). And all those people who laughed at me because I took Villanova in the final four can suck it.
B of all, I've decided to start doing yoga on a regular basis. I am attempting to be healthier. At my work, we have this "life coach" who comes in a few times a month and gives us tips to lead healthy lives and all that stuff. Last month, she checked our back health. We had to do all these stretches and things to see if we were at an increased risk of back injury. We discovered that I have bad hips (which I knew... I almost had to have hip surgery when I was 15 because of my non-working soas muscle), and we discovered that I'm pear shaped, and we discovered that I'm in the 10th percentile of hamstring flexibility for my age group. Which means that 90% more people are more flexible than I. And I also have ZERO lumbar support. At ULTA on Sunday, my back was hurting so badly I could barely stand up. So I think it's time for yoga. When I was seeing a chiropractor, she told me that all of my back pain was because I had weak back muscles, not from my spine. She suggested a year ago that I start doing yoga.
I went to three stores before I found exercise dvds, let alone yoga ones. Jeezu. Who knew that Best Buy didn't believe in exercise? They USED to have a section. Not any longer! I was forced (against my better judgement) to go to Barnes and Noble. I hate that store. Even though they carry "Sock Innovation" by Cookie A and Borders doesn't.
And finally, C of all, I'm getting laser hair removal. I don't know how much I'll talk about it here... but I'll at least let y'all know. I'm meeting with the people today for my "consultation" and we're going to get started on my underarms. I'm excited and a bit scared at the same time. I know it is going to hurt a bit. I had a friend who had it done on her legs 5 years ago, loves it, and she said that it does hurt. I also have a friend at ULTA who used to work for a laser hair removal company (not the same one I'm going to) and she told me that I'm going to love it, that it'll work great on me since I have such dark hair, and she told me all the places I should have treated. If I never have to shave again.... I'm going to be so excited. I hate the act of shaving, and waxing hurts more than it should.
I had a bikini wax ONCE. I was going to get a brazillian wax. Then they started, and I chickened out. I liked the result of the wax. But NEVER AGAIN will I get a bikini wax. I wanted to cry. And before going to the waxing hell, I went to the bar and took ibuprofen. So I should have been just fine. At least afterwards, I did a facial. That was my reward for sitting through such horrid and unneccesary pain. I think if I can live through a bikini wax... than I can live through laser hair removal. I hope.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I sing because I'm happy?
So there's this girl who used to be my best friend. We had a bit of a falling out our senior year. And I don't think she quite gets it how much she hurt me, but she never really talked to me all through college unless I ran into her at work (she worked with my mom) or if we ran into each other at a mututal friend's house. She recently got into this let's be friends again kick and has been calling me and trying to get together. She just moved closer to me... and she's on this kick.
Anyway, she just had a baby and when she was pregnant, I saw her at a party of a mutual friend. A mutual friend that this girl despised for years, but that's an entirely different story. At this party, it was like nothing ever happened and we were still bff... it was as if she didn't ditch me during prom, during senior week, during the entire last two months of high school, and during my breakup with my boyfriend at the time. Now all of those things seem really stupid, but back then it was as if my entire world crumbled.
She calls me yesterday and asked me to sing at her wedding. And I said yes. Should I have said yes? Aside from the fact that I haven't sung outloud in three years. I'm completely conflicted. On one hand, I'm absolutely honored. On the other hand, am I just being a doormat again? Also, this girl doesn't know the first thing about Catholic wedding music.
It also doesn't help that when I told Gene he says "Well I'm absolutely not going." I don't think he knows how much he hurts me by saying stuff like that either. Sometimes... when I need him the most... when I need him there for support... he refuses to help me. He wasn't there when I met my dad's stepmother, he won't go to any weddings to people I'm related to, he won't go to weddings where I might need someone there to make sure I don't fall apart. But the wedding we're going to in June that's going to have my ex boyfriend and the girl he slept with while we were together? I'm going to that. And the other wedding we're going to in June that I'd rather eat rancid sharkmeat than go to? I'm going to that one too.
Anyway, she just had a baby and when she was pregnant, I saw her at a party of a mutual friend. A mutual friend that this girl despised for years, but that's an entirely different story. At this party, it was like nothing ever happened and we were still bff... it was as if she didn't ditch me during prom, during senior week, during the entire last two months of high school, and during my breakup with my boyfriend at the time. Now all of those things seem really stupid, but back then it was as if my entire world crumbled.
She calls me yesterday and asked me to sing at her wedding. And I said yes. Should I have said yes? Aside from the fact that I haven't sung outloud in three years. I'm completely conflicted. On one hand, I'm absolutely honored. On the other hand, am I just being a doormat again? Also, this girl doesn't know the first thing about Catholic wedding music.
It also doesn't help that when I told Gene he says "Well I'm absolutely not going." I don't think he knows how much he hurts me by saying stuff like that either. Sometimes... when I need him the most... when I need him there for support... he refuses to help me. He wasn't there when I met my dad's stepmother, he won't go to any weddings to people I'm related to, he won't go to weddings where I might need someone there to make sure I don't fall apart. But the wedding we're going to in June that's going to have my ex boyfriend and the girl he slept with while we were together? I'm going to that. And the other wedding we're going to in June that I'd rather eat rancid sharkmeat than go to? I'm going to that one too.
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