This isn't the first, and it probably won't be the last, time that I've mentioned my dislike for some of my extended family. I have family members who can't remember Gene's name (and we've been together for six years...) and treat him as if they've never met him before. Probably because he doesn't make a lot of money. My godfather forgets about me every Christmas... but remembers all of my other cousins and spouses of cousins. I have one cousin that i used to be really close with. We barely speak now.
I don't know what I did to piss my family off so much. I mean, I do realize now that they aren't all sunshine and rainbows... and that they are horribly flawed. They aren't as close as they all pretend to be... and they aren't very nice people (for the most part. there are some members of my extended family that I love dearly).
Most of this dislike came bubbling out at a recent wedding... where my one cousin refused to give me a hug, refused to say hello to me or to Gene, and flat out ignored me the entire time. Her sister-in-law was absolutely lovely... and I adore her. At first I let it get to me... and I even started to tear up... because I want nothing more than to have that little bubble back where I think my family is wonderful and everyone is happy. And I want them to like me. I really don't like it when people don't like me, and I know I shouldn't care what people think, but that's how I work, ok? I don't know what I did to these people that they despise me.
We left the wedding early (and the fact that Gene was even there is a huge deal. He refuses to go to family functions because he doesn't like pretending to people) and apparently that's when all hell broke loose. I got a phone call earlier today from my father asking me if everything was all right with my sister. He said that she basically closed herself off after we left... and was very quiet, and he was worried about her. Because my gem of a perfect cousin (the one who wouldn't say hello to me?) said something to my sister... don't know what, my dad wouldn't tell me, and then proceeded to call my father an asshole. Which he said he provoked, but I don't know. I think what happened was she probably said something snide either about me or my sister... my dad defended us... and she called him an asshole.
Are other peoples families like this? Perfect on the outside but volatile when pushed? I would love nothing more than to rip these people a new one.. but they're my family and I feel like I'm supposed to just play nice... smile... and take it. I've already let them know why Gene doesn't come around. They didn't like my answer. Maybe that's why they all hate me.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Totally Awkward Tuesday
I'm participating in Tova's Totally Awkward Tuesdays again... and I think I have a good one this time.
I've briefly discussed this before... but my parents are not married. Daddy Dearest had an affair with a coworker a few years back, and was leading a bit of a double life for about six months that we know of. That year where my parents were still "together" but my father needed to "figure things out" was a very hard time for everyone. My mom went pretty crazy... my sister became the parent (she had to deal with other crazy stuff besides our mother also)... and I went a little nuts also. But that's a totally different story. About two years after we found out about the other woman, my dad springs on the kids (on Easter Sunday) that he's getting married. In Vegas. Mind you... we haven't met his new significant other yet. He didn't ask, and neither did we.
When my dad told me, he also asked me to go with him to Vegas. But the kicker is that the wedding was in two weeks and I only had about 5 days to make this decision because they needed to book the plane tickets. I have to admit that I almost went for a very selfish reason... I love poker. And I've never been to Vegas. But Gene made a very good point. He said to me, "You shouldn't have to be the one to tell her how pretty she looks in her dress. Do you think you're emotionally ready for that?" And I wasn't. I wasn't even emotionally ready to meet the woman, but I told my dad that before they left for Vegas... that I wanted to meet her. My brother went with me.
The four of us went to this Italian family style restaurant called Maggiano's. OUr server is a male, and he looks slightly familiar. My dad recognized him immediately.. and didn't say a damn word. My brother on the other hand can't just let anything go, and he keeps going on and on about who this person is, why does he look so familiar, etc. Finally, when our server comes back, my brother says "Didn't you used to work at TGI Fridays with my mom?" Of course he did. Of course our server knows exactly who we are and didn't say anything.
The conversation that ensued between my dad, my brother, and our server was one of the most uncomfortable things in my life.
Brother: Didn't you used to work at Fridays?
Server: Yes, I did... why?
Brother: I'm Joanie's son... I used to bus there and do door.
Server: Oh! That's why you look so familiar. How are you guys.
Daddy Dearest (very short): We're fine, thanks.
Server: How's your mom doing?
Me: She's good... she's still at Fridays. You should stop in and see her.
Server: I will. (he looks at the other woman) So is this...like...your aunt?
Daddy Dearest (even more short): No. She isn't. Joan and I haven't been together for a long time now.
Server: Oh... well... I'll be right back!
And then he ran away. And he immediately called one of my mom's friends at Fridays. I was literally biting the inside of my cheek so that I wouldn't start hysterical laughing. You could tell that my dad was upset because his entire face was beet red, but his nostrils were white. You don't want to mess with my father when he looks like that. Poor other woman and her abnormally large butt was pretty embarassed as well... it was so funny.
My dad has been with this woman for four almost five years... and in my entire life, I've only seen her for a grand total of maybe five times. Ever. She's MARRIED to my dad.
I've briefly discussed this before... but my parents are not married. Daddy Dearest had an affair with a coworker a few years back, and was leading a bit of a double life for about six months that we know of. That year where my parents were still "together" but my father needed to "figure things out" was a very hard time for everyone. My mom went pretty crazy... my sister became the parent (she had to deal with other crazy stuff besides our mother also)... and I went a little nuts also. But that's a totally different story. About two years after we found out about the other woman, my dad springs on the kids (on Easter Sunday) that he's getting married. In Vegas. Mind you... we haven't met his new significant other yet. He didn't ask, and neither did we.
When my dad told me, he also asked me to go with him to Vegas. But the kicker is that the wedding was in two weeks and I only had about 5 days to make this decision because they needed to book the plane tickets. I have to admit that I almost went for a very selfish reason... I love poker. And I've never been to Vegas. But Gene made a very good point. He said to me, "You shouldn't have to be the one to tell her how pretty she looks in her dress. Do you think you're emotionally ready for that?" And I wasn't. I wasn't even emotionally ready to meet the woman, but I told my dad that before they left for Vegas... that I wanted to meet her. My brother went with me.
The four of us went to this Italian family style restaurant called Maggiano's. OUr server is a male, and he looks slightly familiar. My dad recognized him immediately.. and didn't say a damn word. My brother on the other hand can't just let anything go, and he keeps going on and on about who this person is, why does he look so familiar, etc. Finally, when our server comes back, my brother says "Didn't you used to work at TGI Fridays with my mom?" Of course he did. Of course our server knows exactly who we are and didn't say anything.
The conversation that ensued between my dad, my brother, and our server was one of the most uncomfortable things in my life.
Brother: Didn't you used to work at Fridays?
Server: Yes, I did... why?
Brother: I'm Joanie's son... I used to bus there and do door.
Server: Oh! That's why you look so familiar. How are you guys.
Daddy Dearest (very short): We're fine, thanks.
Server: How's your mom doing?
Me: She's good... she's still at Fridays. You should stop in and see her.
Server: I will. (he looks at the other woman) So is this...like...your aunt?
Daddy Dearest (even more short): No. She isn't. Joan and I haven't been together for a long time now.
Server: Oh... well... I'll be right back!
And then he ran away. And he immediately called one of my mom's friends at Fridays. I was literally biting the inside of my cheek so that I wouldn't start hysterical laughing. You could tell that my dad was upset because his entire face was beet red, but his nostrils were white. You don't want to mess with my father when he looks like that. Poor other woman and her abnormally large butt was pretty embarassed as well... it was so funny.
My dad has been with this woman for four almost five years... and in my entire life, I've only seen her for a grand total of maybe five times. Ever. She's MARRIED to my dad.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I know I'm asking for it...
In a compromise of the outdated Christmas traditions that I hate... Gene proposed that we host Christmas dinner at our house... with his parents, my brother and sister, and my dad and the new wife. Anyone who knows my family situation knows that this could be potentially nuclear.
My sister has only met stepmommy dearest once. I've only seen her three times in my life, and she's been married to my dad for about a year and a half. Granted, I don't see my father all that often, but most of the time when I do he's solo. My sister is the one that we need to worry about... because if anything does go nuclear, it's going to be her. She still doesn't know that we're doing Christmas dinner at my place. We will be going to see my dad's family after dinner, but stepmommy dearest will not be joining us. Probably. It's not that I'm keeping it from my sister and that it's going to be a surprise. I'm telling her this weekend probably. She's just on a Kairos retreat until tonight (it's a Catholic thing if you don't know what Kairos is).
I think that this is a sufficient compromise for now. When my hypothetical imaginary children are no longer hypothetical or imaginary, all of this will need to be revised. But until that complication comes to pass, we're playing it by ear. But now I have the stress of cooking Christmas dinner. Like...what the heck am I going to cook?
Right now, I'm leaning towards roast beef with a rich red wine sauce, my herbed potatoes that people usually go apeshit for (both my brother and Gene don't eat mashed potatoes), and some kind of vegetable something or other. And maybe rolls. I don't know. What else does one make for Christmas dinner? The reason I wanted to do roast beef is because that's what we usually have for dinner at my dad's, Gene doesn't eat ham, and I don't feel like making turkey. Oh, and if I made lamb, my brother and sister wouldn't eat. So roast beef wins. Plus it's fairly simple-ish. I also now feel like between now and Christmas I need to vaccuum, dust, and disinfect my entire house every single day so that it's dad-approved. The man is a little OCD when it comes to cleanliness, but God forbid he helps with cleaning chores. It's probably why I have a strong aversion to doing the dishes.
My sister has only met stepmommy dearest once. I've only seen her three times in my life, and she's been married to my dad for about a year and a half. Granted, I don't see my father all that often, but most of the time when I do he's solo. My sister is the one that we need to worry about... because if anything does go nuclear, it's going to be her. She still doesn't know that we're doing Christmas dinner at my place. We will be going to see my dad's family after dinner, but stepmommy dearest will not be joining us. Probably. It's not that I'm keeping it from my sister and that it's going to be a surprise. I'm telling her this weekend probably. She's just on a Kairos retreat until tonight (it's a Catholic thing if you don't know what Kairos is).
I think that this is a sufficient compromise for now. When my hypothetical imaginary children are no longer hypothetical or imaginary, all of this will need to be revised. But until that complication comes to pass, we're playing it by ear. But now I have the stress of cooking Christmas dinner. Like...what the heck am I going to cook?
Right now, I'm leaning towards roast beef with a rich red wine sauce, my herbed potatoes that people usually go apeshit for (both my brother and Gene don't eat mashed potatoes), and some kind of vegetable something or other. And maybe rolls. I don't know. What else does one make for Christmas dinner? The reason I wanted to do roast beef is because that's what we usually have for dinner at my dad's, Gene doesn't eat ham, and I don't feel like making turkey. Oh, and if I made lamb, my brother and sister wouldn't eat. So roast beef wins. Plus it's fairly simple-ish. I also now feel like between now and Christmas I need to vaccuum, dust, and disinfect my entire house every single day so that it's dad-approved. The man is a little OCD when it comes to cleanliness, but God forbid he helps with cleaning chores. It's probably why I have a strong aversion to doing the dishes.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Outdated Traditions?
Christmas in my house is always interesting. Four years ago, I only had to split myself two ways: Gene's parents, my family (we always have dinner and exchange gifts with my father's entire side of the family...every...year). Now we have to split ourselves three ways: Gene's parents, my mom, my dad & his family. Usually, this wouldn't be a problem, except that Gene loathes my father's side of the family (not my father, just his brothers, his sister, and his nieces and nephews). He has good reason. They do treat him like a pariah... as if he isn't good enough for me. Why? Because Gene is a teacher, and therefore doesn't make any money. They're all white collar and snobby.
Every year before Christmas, we have the big fight. The fight where I want to still hold on to the traditions instilled on me since I was born (christmas with my dad's family) and Gene not going. Which honestly, I'm fine with. I'm fine with him not going. However I've finally realized though that eventually I'm going to have to choose... Gene or the snobby relatives of mine that I'm forced to love. I wouldn't make Gene spend holidays with these people. They don't talk to him at all, and when they do it's very condescending and trivial. And sometimes they don't talk to me either. I actually don't like these people very much... only some of them. I'm slowly starting to see why. All of the relatives that I loved on that side of the family have divorced out of the family... so they no longer come to family functions, obviously. My cousin Linsey I barely recognize anymore... her and I have grown so apart that we barely speak. I'm grown closer to my cousin Gabby than my cousin Linsey, and Gabby is six years younger than me. Gabby, my sister, and myself see the ways of our relatives and don't like them very much. Gabby's twin brother and my brother love those people and want to spend all this time with them. I don't get it.
I don't understand if there's a tradition set in place... why you (read: me) feel obligated to do it, even though it makes you feel like less of a person? These people see each other twice a year: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Rarely do they see each other any other time. And why? So they can have this illusion that they're closeknit. They aren't! And they act all rich and mighty... but they aren't! I don't understand this people anymore... but for some reason, I'm not ready to give them up yet. My mom's family is closeknit... and they live all over the world. We get together only a few times a year as well, but we all know each other's phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses. When I moved, I wanted to give my address to my aunts and uncles on my father's side, but no one had anyone elses email or cell! What the heck is that?
Every year before Christmas, we have the big fight. The fight where I want to still hold on to the traditions instilled on me since I was born (christmas with my dad's family) and Gene not going. Which honestly, I'm fine with. I'm fine with him not going. However I've finally realized though that eventually I'm going to have to choose... Gene or the snobby relatives of mine that I'm forced to love. I wouldn't make Gene spend holidays with these people. They don't talk to him at all, and when they do it's very condescending and trivial. And sometimes they don't talk to me either. I actually don't like these people very much... only some of them. I'm slowly starting to see why. All of the relatives that I loved on that side of the family have divorced out of the family... so they no longer come to family functions, obviously. My cousin Linsey I barely recognize anymore... her and I have grown so apart that we barely speak. I'm grown closer to my cousin Gabby than my cousin Linsey, and Gabby is six years younger than me. Gabby, my sister, and myself see the ways of our relatives and don't like them very much. Gabby's twin brother and my brother love those people and want to spend all this time with them. I don't get it.
I don't understand if there's a tradition set in place... why you (read: me) feel obligated to do it, even though it makes you feel like less of a person? These people see each other twice a year: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Rarely do they see each other any other time. And why? So they can have this illusion that they're closeknit. They aren't! And they act all rich and mighty... but they aren't! I don't understand this people anymore... but for some reason, I'm not ready to give them up yet. My mom's family is closeknit... and they live all over the world. We get together only a few times a year as well, but we all know each other's phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses. When I moved, I wanted to give my address to my aunts and uncles on my father's side, but no one had anyone elses email or cell! What the heck is that?
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