Tova Darling always does this great thing every Tuesday called Totally Awkward Tuesdays, and I always think it's a lot of fun. I've posted a few... but there's one awkward story (and this one is pretty darn embarrassing) that I had blocked from memory until I read Tova's today. So, following in your middle school awkwardness, here is mine.
My friends and I used to use code words for the boys we had crushes on. That way we could write "I heart potato" or whatever instead of the boys name... and no one but our friends would be the wiser. So I had this HUGE crush on this boy Andy (looking back now... ew.) and my friends and I decided that his nickname would be "carrots." I also managed to get ahold of these sticker labels with Looney Toons characters on them... and I always used the Bugs Bunny ones because they had carrots on them. And I wrote "I heart Carrots" all over my pencil case. Not my books though.. Catholic school didn't tolerate writing on covered text books. That's a no-no.
Now, this was when I was in the 7th grade... and we shared homerooms with the 8th graders. There was one kid in my homeroom (and I've honestly completely forgotten his name) who was a complete jerkface. He would torture anyone who walked past him. And he saw my pencil case... and grabbed it... and then started harassing me about the "I heart Carrots" written all over the place.
And this was how the rumor started when I was in GRADE SCHOOL about how I would, um, pleasure myself with vegetables. Carrots were my favorite... but you know, bananas and cucumbers would work too. This went right with the rumor that I was a lesbian. That one was started by my friends because I wouldn't smoke at the age of 12, but that's a completely different story that is not so awkward, just mean. So yeah. I think eventually people just forgot about it... it followed me to 8th grade, but by the time I got to high school the rumor had pretty much disappeared. I was too shy to stand up for myself, unfortunately, and would rather have had this awful rumor than have this boy know that I liked him. We didn't exactly run in the same circles.
Showing posts with label Totally Awkward Tuesday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Totally Awkward Tuesday. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Totally Awkward Tuesday
I'm participating in Tova's Totally Awkward Tuesdays again... and I think I have a good one this time.
I've briefly discussed this before... but my parents are not married. Daddy Dearest had an affair with a coworker a few years back, and was leading a bit of a double life for about six months that we know of. That year where my parents were still "together" but my father needed to "figure things out" was a very hard time for everyone. My mom went pretty crazy... my sister became the parent (she had to deal with other crazy stuff besides our mother also)... and I went a little nuts also. But that's a totally different story. About two years after we found out about the other woman, my dad springs on the kids (on Easter Sunday) that he's getting married. In Vegas. Mind you... we haven't met his new significant other yet. He didn't ask, and neither did we.
When my dad told me, he also asked me to go with him to Vegas. But the kicker is that the wedding was in two weeks and I only had about 5 days to make this decision because they needed to book the plane tickets. I have to admit that I almost went for a very selfish reason... I love poker. And I've never been to Vegas. But Gene made a very good point. He said to me, "You shouldn't have to be the one to tell her how pretty she looks in her dress. Do you think you're emotionally ready for that?" And I wasn't. I wasn't even emotionally ready to meet the woman, but I told my dad that before they left for Vegas... that I wanted to meet her. My brother went with me.
The four of us went to this Italian family style restaurant called Maggiano's. OUr server is a male, and he looks slightly familiar. My dad recognized him immediately.. and didn't say a damn word. My brother on the other hand can't just let anything go, and he keeps going on and on about who this person is, why does he look so familiar, etc. Finally, when our server comes back, my brother says "Didn't you used to work at TGI Fridays with my mom?" Of course he did. Of course our server knows exactly who we are and didn't say anything.
The conversation that ensued between my dad, my brother, and our server was one of the most uncomfortable things in my life.
Brother: Didn't you used to work at Fridays?
Server: Yes, I did... why?
Brother: I'm Joanie's son... I used to bus there and do door.
Server: Oh! That's why you look so familiar. How are you guys.
Daddy Dearest (very short): We're fine, thanks.
Server: How's your mom doing?
Me: She's good... she's still at Fridays. You should stop in and see her.
Server: I will. (he looks at the other woman) So is this...like...your aunt?
Daddy Dearest (even more short): No. She isn't. Joan and I haven't been together for a long time now.
Server: Oh... well... I'll be right back!
And then he ran away. And he immediately called one of my mom's friends at Fridays. I was literally biting the inside of my cheek so that I wouldn't start hysterical laughing. You could tell that my dad was upset because his entire face was beet red, but his nostrils were white. You don't want to mess with my father when he looks like that. Poor other woman and her abnormally large butt was pretty embarassed as well... it was so funny.
My dad has been with this woman for four almost five years... and in my entire life, I've only seen her for a grand total of maybe five times. Ever. She's MARRIED to my dad.
I've briefly discussed this before... but my parents are not married. Daddy Dearest had an affair with a coworker a few years back, and was leading a bit of a double life for about six months that we know of. That year where my parents were still "together" but my father needed to "figure things out" was a very hard time for everyone. My mom went pretty crazy... my sister became the parent (she had to deal with other crazy stuff besides our mother also)... and I went a little nuts also. But that's a totally different story. About two years after we found out about the other woman, my dad springs on the kids (on Easter Sunday) that he's getting married. In Vegas. Mind you... we haven't met his new significant other yet. He didn't ask, and neither did we.
When my dad told me, he also asked me to go with him to Vegas. But the kicker is that the wedding was in two weeks and I only had about 5 days to make this decision because they needed to book the plane tickets. I have to admit that I almost went for a very selfish reason... I love poker. And I've never been to Vegas. But Gene made a very good point. He said to me, "You shouldn't have to be the one to tell her how pretty she looks in her dress. Do you think you're emotionally ready for that?" And I wasn't. I wasn't even emotionally ready to meet the woman, but I told my dad that before they left for Vegas... that I wanted to meet her. My brother went with me.
The four of us went to this Italian family style restaurant called Maggiano's. OUr server is a male, and he looks slightly familiar. My dad recognized him immediately.. and didn't say a damn word. My brother on the other hand can't just let anything go, and he keeps going on and on about who this person is, why does he look so familiar, etc. Finally, when our server comes back, my brother says "Didn't you used to work at TGI Fridays with my mom?" Of course he did. Of course our server knows exactly who we are and didn't say anything.
The conversation that ensued between my dad, my brother, and our server was one of the most uncomfortable things in my life.
Brother: Didn't you used to work at Fridays?
Server: Yes, I did... why?
Brother: I'm Joanie's son... I used to bus there and do door.
Server: Oh! That's why you look so familiar. How are you guys.
Daddy Dearest (very short): We're fine, thanks.
Server: How's your mom doing?
Me: She's good... she's still at Fridays. You should stop in and see her.
Server: I will. (he looks at the other woman) So is this...like...your aunt?
Daddy Dearest (even more short): No. She isn't. Joan and I haven't been together for a long time now.
Server: Oh... well... I'll be right back!
And then he ran away. And he immediately called one of my mom's friends at Fridays. I was literally biting the inside of my cheek so that I wouldn't start hysterical laughing. You could tell that my dad was upset because his entire face was beet red, but his nostrils were white. You don't want to mess with my father when he looks like that. Poor other woman and her abnormally large butt was pretty embarassed as well... it was so funny.
My dad has been with this woman for four almost five years... and in my entire life, I've only seen her for a grand total of maybe five times. Ever. She's MARRIED to my dad.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Totally Awkward Tuesday
Thanks to Joanie's Random Ramblings for telling me about Tova's Totally Awkward Tuesdays! Tova Darling is the host of Tova's Totally Awkward Tuesday.. and they're pretty funny, so you should definitely check that out.
I've been racking my brain for a good awkward story... and let me tell ya, it's a bit hard! I think most of my awkward moments are acting related... so remembering one that isn't is a challenge in and of itself!
Working at a radio station... we get our fair share of celebrities who come in and sing for us. Some of them are up and coming, and some of them are people who we've all heard of before. A few weeks ago, Nick Lachey was here. Today, this girl Jessie James is singing for us. Two years ago, Elliot Yamin from American Idol performed at one of our events. But Elliot Yamin wasn't the only American Idol Finalist that I've met. Last year... around this time... we had another one come in. But before I get to that, I need to tell you how I spent my lunch break.
I was in desperate need of foundation... my foundation was crappy, and didn't match my skin. So for my lunch break, I went to ULTA and played The Foundation Game. To play the Foundation Game, you take off all makeup... and then you try various foundations from different brands, shades, and textures in different parts of your face and see which one looks the best. I ended up picking Stila's Illuminating Foundation 10 Watt. Now, I actually don't like it on me, but that's another story. During The Foundation Game, I had about seven different kinds of foundation. I had completely forgotten that we had an artist coming in that day.
I go back to the station with at least seven different foundations on my face. I didn't bother taking them off, because I was like "whatever, I'm just going to sit in my cubicle all day anyway," but when I go in... there's all this pizza in the conference room. Pizza in the conference room means that there's an artist. And that's when I remembered that Ace Young, who is super hot, was at the station. So I met Ace Young... and his super sugary voice... with seven different colors of foundation on my face. I felt so stupid. I was in a store with endless amounts of testers and makeup artists... they could have made me look like a flipping super model! But no... I was weird foundation girl.
I've been racking my brain for a good awkward story... and let me tell ya, it's a bit hard! I think most of my awkward moments are acting related... so remembering one that isn't is a challenge in and of itself!
Working at a radio station... we get our fair share of celebrities who come in and sing for us. Some of them are up and coming, and some of them are people who we've all heard of before. A few weeks ago, Nick Lachey was here. Today, this girl Jessie James is singing for us. Two years ago, Elliot Yamin from American Idol performed at one of our events. But Elliot Yamin wasn't the only American Idol Finalist that I've met. Last year... around this time... we had another one come in. But before I get to that, I need to tell you how I spent my lunch break.
I was in desperate need of foundation... my foundation was crappy, and didn't match my skin. So for my lunch break, I went to ULTA and played The Foundation Game. To play the Foundation Game, you take off all makeup... and then you try various foundations from different brands, shades, and textures in different parts of your face and see which one looks the best. I ended up picking Stila's Illuminating Foundation 10 Watt. Now, I actually don't like it on me, but that's another story. During The Foundation Game, I had about seven different kinds of foundation. I had completely forgotten that we had an artist coming in that day.
I go back to the station with at least seven different foundations on my face. I didn't bother taking them off, because I was like "whatever, I'm just going to sit in my cubicle all day anyway," but when I go in... there's all this pizza in the conference room. Pizza in the conference room means that there's an artist. And that's when I remembered that Ace Young, who is super hot, was at the station. So I met Ace Young... and his super sugary voice... with seven different colors of foundation on my face. I felt so stupid. I was in a store with endless amounts of testers and makeup artists... they could have made me look like a flipping super model! But no... I was weird foundation girl.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)