Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I sing because I'm happy?

So there's this girl who used to be my best friend. We had a bit of a falling out our senior year. And I don't think she quite gets it how much she hurt me, but she never really talked to me all through college unless I ran into her at work (she worked with my mom) or if we ran into each other at a mututal friend's house. She recently got into this let's be friends again kick and has been calling me and trying to get together. She just moved closer to me... and she's on this kick.

Anyway, she just had a baby and when she was pregnant, I saw her at a party of a mutual friend. A mutual friend that this girl despised for years, but that's an entirely different story. At this party, it was like nothing ever happened and we were still bff... it was as if she didn't ditch me during prom, during senior week, during the entire last two months of high school, and during my breakup with my boyfriend at the time. Now all of those things seem really stupid, but back then it was as if my entire world crumbled.

She calls me yesterday and asked me to sing at her wedding. And I said yes. Should I have said yes? Aside from the fact that I haven't sung outloud in three years. I'm completely conflicted. On one hand, I'm absolutely honored. On the other hand, am I just being a doormat again? Also, this girl doesn't know the first thing about Catholic wedding music.

It also doesn't help that when I told Gene he says "Well I'm absolutely not going." I don't think he knows how much he hurts me by saying stuff like that either. Sometimes... when I need him the most... when I need him there for support... he refuses to help me. He wasn't there when I met my dad's stepmother, he won't go to any weddings to people I'm related to, he won't go to weddings where I might need someone there to make sure I don't fall apart. But the wedding we're going to in June that's going to have my ex boyfriend and the girl he slept with while we were together? I'm going to that. And the other wedding we're going to in June that I'd rather eat rancid sharkmeat than go to? I'm going to that one too.


becklette said...

he didn't come to my wedding... hey, wait, i'm starting to not like him anymore! and you clearly must tell me about the rancid sharkmeat wedding!!

Joanie said...

I'd go to that wedding just to hear you sing again. :)