New Year, New Problems.

I am definitely not ready for my very very short vacation to be over. I need about another 4 hours of sleep and another two days to finish laundry.

Now that we're in the throes of 2009... Gene and I are already getting the "Oh, you aren't engaged? I thought for sure this would be the time." No. We're not engaged. Because I don't think we'll ever be able to get married. Not because we don't want to, because we'd go to the JOP tomorrow. Because our families can be assholes. Because we don't want people there. Because we'd like to invite friends, immediate family, and like 10 other relatives and that's it, but we'd never get away with it.

We've already started preparing people for a far away wedding... and people first get mad, and then assume that we're going to have some kind of party afterwards. No. We're going away and getting married. If you want to come, great. I told my Dad on Christmas that we were seriously (and by seriously I mean we've decided) considering going to Hawaii, and he gave me the "but not a lot of people would be able to go" speech, to which I responded, "Yeah, Dad...that's the point."

And then I started to feel guilty... and then I started to get upset because when I go to weddings and brides have their first dance with their husband and they dance with their father... I think "I will never have that." It's almost like some supreme being is saying "Sorry. All of your relatives get to have big fancy weddings with the hooplah and the dancing, but you don't deserve that. You have to run away." It isn't fair. And it gets me really really upset. But I'll never win that arguement. Mentally, I want to go to Hawaii. Emotionally, I want the big poofy dress and the big wedding where everyone cries. But then mentally again, I know that it will never happen.

And also, I got sprung on me today "we might send you to Los Angeles for a convention." It's probably not going to happen, but I looked up the dates to the convention...and it's like 10 days away. And it runs right in the middle of when I'm hosting a Silpada party (it's silver jewelry... and super pretty...). Who knows. With my luck, I'll have to reschedule my party and then the convention would fall through.