I just love setting myself up to fall.

I don't know what to do right now. Last night, I come home from a friend's house and find Gzilla on the phone (not unusual) with a shit eating grin on his face (tiny red flag).

Me: Who are you talking to?
Him: Jack.
Me: But that's a girl?
Him: Uhh... Laura (my best friend)

...

Weird, right? Kid can't lie to me. Can't say "My mom" or "Jack's girlfriend" (who is his female best friend). Nope. This idiot tells me the truth. Which means he's doing one of three things.

1. Trying to get dirt on his surprise party (unlikely)
2. Trying to plan something for me for my birthday (which is in July and not a milestone...26)
or 3. Something sparkly. You know what kind of sparkly I mean, and now upset that whole situation makes me.

Naturally, given the above reasons, I try my best NOT to think about door #3, which means that's all I think about. And now I'm paranoid. I start thinking that any time we go out could be "that time." The last time I thought that? When we went to Jen Carroll's restaurant for dinner? I was horribly depressed. I felt so stupid for letting me get my hopes up.

And what am I doing now? Getting my hopes up. I talked to Jack's girlfriend about it... and she tells me the one thing that I don't really want to hear. He's planning something really big for your birthday. Which is wonderful. That's absolutely wonderful. But guess what? I've spent most of last night and most of my work day today NOT getting my hopes up, accidentally got them up, and now I'm really upset. Again. And we're supposed to go out to dinner tonight with Jack and his girlfriend, and I don't feel like doing anything but eating ice cream and watching horror films.

It's starting to get to the point where I really start seriously thinking "what the hell am I doing?!" I really hate feeling like this.