Wednesday, February 11, 2009

By popular demand

Not so much popular. Just my mom. But she's my mom, so I have to do what she says.

I had to do a bit of digging to find this... I blogged about the almost theatre fist fight shortly after it happened on my myspace blog (which I've been neglecting entirely since starting this one, but no one goes on myspace anymore anyway)

Originally titled "Flintstones...I'm obnoxious..." which is a take from the Flintstones theme song that my friends rewrote to be: Flintstones... I'm obnoxious... I have no social tact at all. And they'd sing it really loud in hallways.

Friday night I had a lovely evening planned. I was going to leave work on time, go to becklette's, go to the train station, enjoy a lovely play about Italy and British people, and just have a grand 'ole time. Simple, right?? It started off as planned... we got the train on time, found the Walnut, had a drink before the play (like you do), found our seats, and started enjoying this lovely little play.

Then it started. The obnoxious Main Line lush and her snooty lush friends started running commentary on the play. It wasn't even well thought out, or intellectual at all. It was blatant obvious comments such as, "Look he's eating. And he has his Times," or "Oh! She's a drinker!" Really? Because I have eyes and can see for myself, you wench!! Captain Obvious and her sidekicks Redundency, Repetitive, and No Shit, Sherlock were in full force. THEN they took out the box of candy. Not a bag.... not little wrappers... BOX of candy. Like a box of lemondrops or jujubees, or something that would sound like maracas when you shake them. And they shook them. For about 4 minutes. We glared, we sighed, we did the grunt that shows we're annoyed... all of the little things that you do to signal quietly to the people behind you that they are annoying you.

At intermission, I went to the house manager, and politely asked her to deal with the people in house Right row O seats 303-306 (oh that's right... I found out their seats... not that it was difficult, it was the seats directly behind me). After intermission, they were quieter. They talked, but only during scene changes. THEN they started doing things like laughing when they shouldn't be.. and I'm all for having fun, but when you're having fun A. at the actors expense and B. to the annoyance of EVERYONE around you... there's a problem. That's when I said something. I wasn't rude. I was never rude. Here's the conversation:

Me: "Excuse me, could you refrain from the running commentary throughout the entire play? It's distracting."

Obnoxious Lush: "What the f*** is your problem?"

becklette: "Our problem is that you've been unbearably obnoxious throughout the entire play!"

Obnoxious Lush: "Well just turn around... just turn around!" (while shoving her hand in becklette's face)

Then... she called one of us a stupid bitch (I say one of us because she was too drunk to use plural. She probably meant both of us). I almost decked her then... but I didn't. Instead I just flipped her off for five minutes. If she touched my finger, I would have elbowed her in the nose, causing her to get even more plastic surgery. Stupid mainline snob.

I may also have called her my favorite curse word at the end of the play. It rhymes with "hunt." It's my favorite word because it pisses off so many people... and I very rarely use it directed at someone. Only two people. This woman and a second who shall remain nameless. I don't know that I've ever been so angry at a play before. My heart was thumping so loud that I was sure everyone around me could hear it. Later on, I had told my friend who was doing costumes for the Walnut at the time what had happened, and found out that the actors on stage could hear this woman... and they told my friend to thank me and becklette for sticking up for them. The play was very good... and if you are a fan of theatre and get a chance to see Enchanted April, do it. Just hope that you don't have the peanut gallery behind you.


Joanie said...

I remember this one now! I didn't know that you meant from a previous trip to the Walnut. Thanks for indulging me. :)

becklette said...

we do always have a good time, don't we?

Al said...

holy CRAP! I thought it was bad working at an outdoor concert pavilion - jeez at least if those drunks are noisy and irritating they're not bothering anyone because the music is earsplitting! ooh and I like your swearword. I too only use it on especially provoking occasions, though usually just call the person a "DFC" and tell them not to make me spell it out, mwahahah. Anywho lookit me ramble - thanks for stopping by from ISE 7 :) - I love what you knit!