So yesterday I went a little batshit crazy because I had convinced myself that I needed to settle for an elopement despite the fact that I don't really want that and I also convinced myself that I was never going to get married after A told me we weren't eloping because it "isn't us" and he would never let me settle for that. Yesterday, I didn't think he is ever going to propose to me, and today I'm not totally convinced that he is going to someday, but at least I'm not sobbing like child at work for 3 hours today. In fact I'm pretty calm. I don't know why I went batshit crazy, to be honest. It's been really stressful lately with the dreaded dinner last week, and the Cunt (Z) being herself... and D's surprise 60th this weekend, and spending time with my family and having all of them pressure me about getting married.. it's a lot in a one week period.
I hadn't been in any rush to get married before... I'm still a good bit away from checking the 25-35 box, so I don't know what my rush is. I don't want kids anytime soon... I want to wait at least 3-4 years before that happens. And it isn't like he can easily leave me now that we bought a house together, so ha. I guess. The only thing that I really do want, and I know that we can't right now because things just are too hectic and crazy, but I really want a pupper. A lot. I've never had a dog.. and I really want one. There's a fairly local dog breeder that I found downstate, and they breed yorkies all the time, and that's what I want. A yorkie, or a morkie, or a yorkiepoo. Morkies are cute little guys. The breeder is a good 1 1/2 to 2 hours away from us, but at least it's fairly local... and from a registered breeder and not some dude in a trailer. I know that we should adopt, but if we're thinking of having kids... I'd rather not have some abused dog that might bite my hypothetical imaginary infant. Plus with my allergies, I need to have some kind of terrier with hair instead of a dog with fur. And I don't want a big dog. We also don't have a very big house, so a little guy would be better for the space we have. It isn't like I can just let him/her out into the backyard. I don't have one of those. I live in a city. I don't get a backyard, I get a concrete slab that I share with my nextdoor neighbor that I've said all of 3 words to.
Completely unrelated to puppers and going batshit crazy... I haven't been sleeping lately because of severe back pain inbetween my shoulder blades. I hold all of my tension there and in my lower back, and lately it's been really hurting a lot. I was bad and took vicodin the other night that A had when he had kidney stones, and it felt A LOT better... but now it's really aggitated again. I think I may go to a chiropractor and see if it helps. I've had a few recommendations from people at work. I might call the one guy who a guy I work with, we'll call him Soren, recommended. Soren said he isn't one of those whackadoos and he isn't a really aggressive guy who is going to throw your head on the other side of your body people. He uses some device called an aggitator? We'll see. I think I'm going to call the guy. It's starting to get annoying. Maybe I can get an appointment later this week.