Nervous Ambitions

I have all these grandious ideas of what I want in life. Yes, I love working in radio... but do I see myself in radio for the rest of my life? I don't know. I really have no idea. I wanted to be an actor for so long that I never bothered to see if I was good at anything else. But there IS something else that I was always good at... I'm just terrified to do it.

I can tell a good story. And I can tell a good story with a lot of words. I've been talking about writing a novel for the past 5 or 6 years? But I've never actually DONE it. I've talked about it. Thought about it. Even outlined a novel! But I'm so critical of myself that I don't actually DO anything. I have 2 great ideas for a novel that are both grounded in things that have happened either to me or to people around me, and Gzilla pointed out that maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time. I need to start with something that's entirely fiction before I start borrowing.

Then I remembered that November is NaNoWriMo. Only problem? I haven't written a single word. If I started on November 1st, I would have had to write 1667 words a day to get to 50,000 by November 30th. Since now it's November 4th...that gives me 26 days instead of 30 days, so that means I have to write 1924 words every day to get to 50,000 words. It's not going to happen. Especially since I lose two whole days because of "Pre Cana Prison" next weekend (that's what I'm calling it. You better believe I'll have a full report after next weekend!!!).

Anyone else doing/did do NaNoWriMo? I can do this, right?

Oh Happy Day!

I know a lot of people are excited about election day... and I'm excited about it for an entirely different reason. I finally get my life back. I don't have to stay at work until 9 at night because someone wanted to change their advertising and we're waiting for the commercial. I don't have to wear makeup to work every day in case I have to record a politicians commercial. (The one day I DIDN'T wear makeup to work last week... I had to record a guy. He was nice though. And worked REAL HARD for my vote!)

I hate election day. I used to love it. I used to feel like my vote made a difference, and maybe it does. But I hate it now because I have to deal with these people...and they affect my every day life. And I don't like it. I really think that every single person in America should work in the media for one election season...and see what these people are like. It's a real eye opener.

Some of them are really nice and considerate people. Those are the people I vote for. The people who change their advertising 6 times in one week... who keep changing from :30 second commercials to :60 second commercials in the middle of the day, and the change HAS to be made before the next commercial airs in 13 minutes? I don't vote for those people. Those people make me cry.

I'm just really happy today. Because now these people will leave me alone for two years. No more phone calls on my cell phone... no more TEXT MESSAGES telling me who to vote for (please tell me someone else got text messages...I got THREE of them!). No more annoying politician jingles. I just have to get through the rest of the day. And cross my fingers.

Give up the FUNK

I'm in a bit of a funk right now... and I have no idea why. I have no desire to knit ANYTHING, but I want to make things. I don't know if that makes any sense. I keep looking at projects like "oooh, I really want to make that!" but when it comes to actually MAKING it... I have no desire to do so.

I still haven't finished the sweater I "gave" to Gzilla last year for Christmas. I really want to make myself a hat and a cowl for the winter, because I have nothing like that. I also am supposed to be making a sweater for my sister with the yarn I bought for the baby blanket. I started winding the yarn over the weekend, and the one skein is SO TANGLED that it took be four hours to untangle 3/4 of it. It's still tangled.

Maybe I'm in a funk in other ways as well. I haven't done ANYTHING in the way of wedding planning. I still have no cake place. I haven't called any florists. Nothing. Maybe it's because work is really busy right now. Maybe it's because everyone keeps asking me how the wedding planning is going. And I just want to scream "LEAVE ME ALONE OR ELSE I'M NOT DOING ANY WEDDING PLANNING! ARGH!!!"

Am I the only one who's in a funk right now? How do you get rid of your funks?

Operation: Fitness Guru

(she says, while eating Doritos...)

Okay, not so much fitness guru... BUT! I took step one today, and I actually activated my YMCA membership. The card is in my purse. AND! I took the tour. That means serious business. Serious. Gzilla dosen't have his card yet, because he did not come with me to activate said Y membership, but that's okay. Because when we do go, we're going to TAKE CLASSES! GO TO THE GYM! USE THE EQUIPMENT! BE HEALTHY!

This all started about a year ago, when Gzilla discovered that he was the same weight as his other friend who is considerably taller than he, so that motivated Gzilla to figure out how to lose weight. What did he do? He asked me to count his weight watchers points for him. Um, no. Hence, Y membership.

I mentioned to the woman giving the tour that I used to dance for about 8 years. Now, I am by no means a "dancer" but I can fake it REALLY well, and I was a cheerleader for 6 years (shut up) so movement and I are actually pretty good friends. Everyone's doing the Zumba thing, right? Apparently... they're always looking for Zumba instructors! If I end up loving Zumba... and getting really good at it... I could be TEACHING a Zumba class! How cool is that?

But first I have to actually go...

It's official. I'm dumb.

You know how people talk about "pregnancy brain?" Well, I officially have "wedding brain." My brain has just completely stopped working altogether, and it won't start back up again until July 3rd.

At work, we frequently have meetings in the mornings. They're always ass-early on the weekends, and they're always annoying. Sometimes it's watch training videos on random skincare/makeup lines. Sometimes it's going over policies and whatnot, but the BIG MEETING every year involves the entire store (not just my department) and it's mandatory. I believe the exact words my manager used were "you better be dying or have a dying relative if you aren't there."

Well, I looked at the date of the meeting and went: CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! THAT'S MY PRE-CANA WEEKEND!!! As in...mandatory retreat by the Catholic church in order to get married there... I have two choices. Six three-hour classes on Sunday afternoons (which means I miss 6 weeks of work since I mostly only work on Sundays) or do it all in one weekend. The weekend of the all important meeting. I spoke with my manager, and she totally had a gasket.

Now, this is the Christmas meeting. It's important because Christmas is a very very busy time for us, and there's a lot of new blood. But this is my 4th Christmas season with the company. I know how it works. Unless there's something drastically different, I can go over the info with a manager after the fact. But she was having NONE of it. I was seriously trying to figure out how I was going to quit and find another job within the next 2 weeks.

So Saturday, I'm doing some cleaning and throwing away of papers that have accumulated underneath the coffee table, and I find my paperwork for the Pre-Cana retreat...which is the week AFTER the big all important mandatory meeting. Whoops. So I got my manager all mad at me for no reason whatsoever.

My brain needs to start functioning again soon... I can't take all this forgetfulness I'm having!! I think I need a nap.

Bella Senora and other vocal warmups

In order to appease the Evil Nun at the church Gzilla and I are getting married at... and to hopefully make this whole "getting married in the Catholic church" thing as easy as humanly possible, I agreed to cantor at Mass. For you non church goers (which to be fair, was be up until two months ago--ha!) that means I stand in front of the church at the little pulpit and lead all the songs. All of them.

This past Sunday was my first time singing in front of people in over five years. Needless to say, I was slightly terrified. Especially because I did everything to prepare. I got my music ahead of time... didn't know ANY of the songs... taught them to myself via virtualpiano.net and learned that I actually DID know three of the songs, just with different lyrics. I met with the organist a week ago to rehearse, and I borrowed a digital recorder from the radio station (that my boss said he would never forgive me if I lost or broke it, so I guarded the damn thing with my life). We didn't check the battery beforehand... and because the battery was so low, it didn't record ANYTHING. So the processional/entrance hymn that I didn't know, I couldn't rehearse. The mass parts that I wasn't terribly familiar with, I couldn't rehearse. I did all my homework! This was supposed to work!

Plus, when I went to rehearse, I warmed up my voice and everything was fine. Right as I go into church...I get some weird allergy attack and I totally lose any note that's above a C. Now I'm worried that I'm going to suck, get thrown out as a cantor, and get on the Evil Nun's bad side again. But yesterday, I woke up 2 hours before Mass. Drank more water than was probably necessary, and warmed up my voice a whole heck of a lot. And I didn't suck.

I might not be acting anymore... but at least I can still keep up with my singing at Mass. They have a choir, but they rehearse on Monday nights (I have knitting group!) and they perform on Sundays (I have work!) so I'm not joining that choir. I'm hoping that by cantoring at Mass, some of the other newly engaged couples will ask me to cantor their wedding. That'd be awesome.

This is either going to be a great idea... or an epic fail.

I'm going to this "event" tonight that a local magazine is throwing... it's a "Beauty Bash" and I can't help but picturing a bunch of nicely dressed ladies beating up other nicely dressed ladies with hair dryers, make up bags, and other beauty paraphanalia.

The website for the magazine has little to no information about what to expect (just where it is, how much tickets are, and a very short list of the goings on of tonight... no details) so I'm a bit nervous. I have little expectations, because I have no clue! I know QVC does a Beauty Bash every year, and I KNOW what they have in store (most of the time, women who go walk away with close to $1000 in gifts from the QVC retailers. I want to go so. bad. but I can never get tickets...they sell out in SECONDS.)

I'm hoping to do a bit of bridal espionage tonight... check out salons, see what they have for bridal parties and whatnot. I haven't decided if I'm going to just have everyone do whatever they want with their hair, or if I'm going to pay to have their hair done. I don't know if I'll have a budget for that, that's the problem. By then, my sister will have her cosmotology license, but she's in the wedding, and it would be a lot to ask for her to do everyone's hair. Even though she's already offered (to do either everyone's hair or everyone's makeup). We'll see.

My biggest problem right now... when I look at pictures of last year's Beauty Bash, everyone is all dressed up! Like LBDs... heels... updos... CRAZY. I don't have time for that! I also don't have anything to wear! At the moment, I'm wearing my fancy jeggings (leggings that look like jeans) and a gray tunic sweater. But the sweater is very casual looking, and I'm afraid I will look frumpy. Ack! Do I completely change and put on a dress? Do I run over to the mall and pick up a fancier tunic to go with my awesome jeggings? I'm leaning towards the latter...